On a recent camping trip, we experienced a BIG moment to work through after an incident involving Mr 5.
It was a moment I wish I could rewind and avoid him having to experience altogether. But I also know deep purpose and wisdom came from it. For him, his brother and Dom & I.
There’s lots of context and detail to the story that I’ll likely be unable to fully capture on this page, but here’s what happened…We had some friends camping nearby. An older couple (with adult children) well known to our boys and family.
We were all sitting around the campfire, Dom was roasting marshmallows for the boys and his male friend wanted to try some.
Dom was roasting the last layer of Mr 5’s marshmallow when his friend stood up, came over, said something (which I now can’t quite recall but it wasn’t many words), bent over the stick and ate the last of the marshmallow right in front of my son’s face.
I can feel the rage rise up again in my belly, flooding my whole body, as I recall this very moment.
I felt a mixture of shock, coupled with a feeling of mamma bear ready to rise, scoop up my cub and attack our friend - who happens to be a big loud personality of a man.
The expression on my son’s face is something etched in my psyche. His little body shrinking and holding back tears. I know he didn’t feel safe to let them out in that moment and I didn’t move to him.
Knowing it would activate more conversations and interactions and given the close camping situation and friendship, I decided to let go in that moment.
Later as we lay together in the tent, I leaned into Mr 5 and acknowledged how upsetting and disappointing it must have felt to him in that moment. With a few more quiet words spoken, we snuggled in and he went off to sleep.
As I looked up at the starry night, I was left reflecting and lead a conversation with Dom about our own parenting and how we’re choosing to raise our boys.
How incredibly hard it is, given the enormity of pattern changing we’re trying to make as we raise our boys. Honouring their souls, autonomy and ultimately a feeling of safety to simply be as they are. Moving away from an authoritarian way of parenting, which is still so present around us.
On our way home, I shared with Dom how I’d got up that night and sat by the fire, a feeling of rage still pulsating through my body.
However what I feel this whole experience has gifted me is an reignition of passion to see all children treated with nothing less than respect.
Dominating over children because you’re older, bigger and have more strength is NOT OK!!
I will continue to support myself – and the parents I walk alongside - in doing the inner work so we can continue shifting the paradigm and be a part of the change that sees children as incredibly wise, unique, wondrous beings that we should all feel incredibly blessed to have in our presence.
With love and connection,
Emily xxx
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