I had a moment in my parenting last week where I noticed the beliefs I'd been hanging onto around making an offer to Mr 7 to watch something on screen when he was in a really dysregulated state.
We had been there before, several times, over the past couple of weeks.
Something he was trying to do, draw a certain way, wasn’t working out for him.
He was getting very upset and agitated.
Usually this would have me in a highly agitated state myself where we'd both bring fight energy, and as I'd try hard to support him in the moment, it actually just had me become 'ragey' and start yelling all over the place.
Not pleasant for him or for me.
But last week something happened...
The exact same scenario, only this time I leaned in and said,
“Hey buddy, do you want to watch some shows?”
I noticed my mind going to town with all the following thoughts and questions!!
Isn’t that just distracting him from being with these feelings?
Doesn’t he have enough screen time?
And an oldie but a goodie! Isn’t that just rewarding this behaviour? (Hello teacher conditioning of all my years in behaviour management!)
But do you know what???
I can not tell you how different it felt in my body when I decided to choose the screen over screaming.
There was no beating myself up afterwards, there was no adrenaline pumping through my body from being in a fight state,
I just felt so much better in my body and self. It was so profound.
Yes there is an element of distracting - but he was so far into a dysregulated state that the reality was I simply didn’t have the capacity to stay with him and be regulated myself.
So we chose the screens and I got some time to come back into balance.
As I kept checking in with him and providing some connection points, I watched his body soften and come back inline too.
I know it may seem simple to some, this mini revelation of mine!
But as parents, with all the ways we can meet ourselves alongside our kids, I do believe we’ve got a huge amount on our plates.
And I think lessening the expectation you have on yourself to meet as much as you do is a valuable place to start.
Can you let go a little on some of the beliefs you’ve been holding onto so tightly.
Maybe you’re aware of these, maybe they are more subtle.
If you’d like to delve deeper, and perhaps feel more supported in your mothering, I’d love to connect. Book yourself a free 15 minute connection call here.
We were never meant to do this alone.
With love and connection,
Emily xxx
To follow me on socials
Comments